THE WAR ON HIPPIES!
SAN FRANCISCO, 1967...A CITY IN FEAR!
COP COMMAND...SAFEGUARDING THE EARTH AGAINST EVIL HIPPY DEGRADATION!
WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT THE EVILS OF HIPPYDOM
TO PROTECT ALL RIGHTEOUS AMERICAN CITIZENS FROM THE HORROR OF 'YOUTH DRUG CULTURE', THE HEROIC CAPT TUMOR OF THE COP COMMAND AND COLONEL SNIDER OF THE NATIONAL GUARD HAVE COMPILED A REPORT TO WARN YOU OF THE SIGNS OF HIPPY LOAFERISM AND THE SHOCKING HABITS OF THESE UN-AMERICAN LONGHAIR LOWLIFES.
ALL SENSITIVE READERS ARE ADVISED TO RUN AWAY FROM THIS PAGE IF
HIPPY ACTIVITIES SHOCK YOU IN ANY WAY! YOU ARE WARNED!
KNOWN FACTS ABOUT HIPPIES:
1. THEY DO NOT WASH - EVER!
2. IT IS A KNOWN FACT THAT HIPPIES HAVE HAIR GROWTH ON THEIR HANDS, EVEN FEMALES!
3. HIPPIES WANT TO DESTROY THE WORLD SO EVERYONE WILL BE IN THE SAME UNCLEAN STATE AS THEM!
4. THEY TAKE DRUGS, SUCH AS THE EVIL KILLER WEED, TO BLOCK OUT THE REAL WORLD. FOR IF THEY WOKE UP THEY WOULD SURELY COMMIT 'HARE KARI' AS THEY REALISED HOW PATHETIC THEY REALLY ARE!
5. HIPPIES HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO EAT THEIR OWN CHILDREN AND EVEN SACRIFICE THEM IN UNSPEAKABLE SATAN RITUALS! UNBELIEVABLE, BUT OFFICIALLY TRUE!
6. HIPPIES AND SIMILAR LOWLIFES ALL HARBOUR A CRAZED AND IRRATIONAL JEALOUSY OF NORMAL UPSTANDING CITIZENS, THAT IS WHY THEY ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO ROB AND PILLAGE CITIZEN'S HOMES AND VEHICLES.
7. THE LONG-HAIRED HORDES USE FEMALE HIPPIES (WHOM THEY CONSIDER MORE APPROACHABLE TOWARDS NORMAL PEOPLE) TO TRY AND BUILD A TRUST RELATIONSHIP WITH AN UNFORTUNATE CITIZEN. THIS IS USUALLY DONE THRU THE HIPPY SELLING GOODS IN THE STREET. IF THEY ARE SUCCESSFUL THE FEMALE HIPPY WILL FOLLOW THE CITIZEN HOME AND SECRETLY GATHER INFO ON LOCKS, SECURITY ETC. WHEN THE CITIZEN LEAST EXPECTS IT, THE EVIL HIPPY SCUM WILL RAID THE HOUSE, KILLING THE 'PIG' OCCUPANTS AND STEALING ANYTHING THEY CAN SELL FOR DRUGS!
BEWARE OF THIS TACTIC, IF A LONG HAIR APPROACHES YOU IN THE STREET, DON'T BE FOOLED BY ANY OVERTURES OF FRIENDSHIP, THE HIPPY HATES YOU AND WILL ROB YOU. IT IS BETTER TO GET THE HELP OF A POLICE OFFICER TO BEAT THE HIPPY VERMIN INTO A PULP!
8. IF ANY OF YOUR RELATIVES OR OFFSPRING SHOW SIGNS OF HIPPINESS, LIKE NOT WANTING TO JOIN THE ARMY OR REFUSING TO PLAY VIOLENT AMERICAN FOOTBALL, THIS COULD BE THE FIRST SIGNS OF HIPPYISM! BEWARE OF THESE SYMTOMS:
A. LACK OF UPRIGHT AMERICAN ARROGANCE TO OTHERS AND MOST IMPORTANT, FOREIGNERS!
B. CRITICISM OF OUR VARIOUS USA-CONTROLLED WARS RAGING ACROSS THE GLOBE.
C. LACK OF SUPPORT FOR APPLE PIE, COKA COLA, BEEF OR HAM BURGERS AND BEER.
D. IF THE SUFFERER HAS TRIED POT THIS COULD BE THE ANSWER, BRING THE PATIENT TO THE NEAREST POLICE STATION, AND HAND THE UNFORTUNATE OVER TO US FOR TREATMENT (IN JAIL) WE, YOUR HELPFUL COPS, WILL TAKE A NOTE OF ALL THE HOUSE NUMBERS OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO KNOW THE HIPPY PATIENT, JUST FOR SAFETY!
E. IF THE SUSPECTED PROTO-HIPPY HAS BEEN GROWING LONG HAIR, AN IMMEDIATE CONSCRIPTION INTO THE US ARMY IS THE ONLY CURE AT THIS STAGE!
F. IF THE VICTIM IS LISTENING TO CRAP HIPPY MUSIC AND WEARING STRANGE CLOTHES, IT MAY BE TOO LATE! ONLY A HEAVY DOSE OF REGIMENTED DAILY VERBAL BRUTALITY FROM A US MARINE SERGEANT WILL CURE THE NASCENT HIPPY AT THIS POINT.
G. SOMETIMES THE PATIENT IS TOO FAR GONE. IF A PATIENT IS WEARING CLOTHES OF A TIE DYED NATURE, LONG HAIR, BEADS, LENNON SPECS AND BELL BOTTOMS, THE ONLY KNOWN CURE FOR THIS SAD CONDITION IS FORCED DEPORTATION TO ANY COUNTRY APART FROM OUR OWN!
IT'S THE ONLY HUMANE CURE - SORRY!
All images and names, characters and styles contained here are owned by Curt Sibling & Bad Trip Comics (c)2002.